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The town pastor had died after a long, faithful and good life. He waited patiently for St. Peter at the Pearly Gates.
Just ahead of him was Jim.
Jim was being cross-questioned by St. Peter who asked him who he was and what he did for a living on Earth. “I’m Jim and I drove a taxi in New York.”
“Ah, yes,” said St Peter checking his clip board, “you are most welcome Jim, take this golden silk robe and enter.”
St. Peter turned now to the pastor and asked him his occupation.
“I was the faithful pastor of St Mary’s Church for 43 years,” came the reply.
“Then take this cotton robe and enter the Kingdom of Heaven,” said St. Peter.
“How come,” asked the pastor politely, “Jim gets a golden silk robe and all I get is a cotton one?”
St. Peter consulted his list and replied, “Easy, we go by results. Jim got more people to pray in his taxi when he was driving around New York than you did in your church!”
The village Rector was passing a very well kept garden and stopped to admire the beautiful flowers....
"The Lord and you have done remarkable things to this garden," said the Rector to the owner.
"Well, thank you Rector", replied the owner, "but you should have seen it when it was only the Lord in charge!"
The Vicar at Harvest Festival had aranged all the vegetables in front of the Altar. He asked the children if they could name them. The replies were potatoes, cabbage, carrots, broccoli, and swede. So he asked if they could use one word to cover them all. A little boy held his hand up and replied " Gravy"
A vicar used to preaching in small churches, was asked topreach in a very large church. He asked the resident Vicar if they used a microphone. The Vicar said " No. you just shout loudly. The agnostics here are terrible "
One of the young choristers missed the Palm Sunday service as she had a sore throat. When her big sister arrived home with some Palm Crosses and explained they were waved to welcome Jesus, the younger sister said, “Aw, that’s not fair, the one day I miss and Jesus shows up!”
With all the sadness and trauma going on in the world at the moment, it is worth reflecting on the death of a very important person, which almost went unnoticed last week.
Larry La Prise, the man who wrote "The Hokey Pokey" died peacefully at age 93. The most traumatic part for the family was getting him into the coffin. They put his left leg in..... and then the trouble started.
EXAM ANSWERS
With thanks to Gerry Lindenburn who sent in these statements about the Bible from school exams - spellings have not been corrected!
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In the first book of the bible, Guinessis, God got tired of
 creating the world so he took the Sabbath off
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The egyptians were drowned in the dessert. Afterwards Moses went up to mount cyanide to get the Ten Commandments
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The seventh commandment is thou shalt not admit adultery
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Solomon, one of Davids sons, had 300 wives and 700 porcupines
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When Mary heard she was the mother of Jesus she sang the Magna Carta
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The people who followed the Lord were called the 12 decibles
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One of the oppossums was St Matthew who was a taximan
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Christians have only one spouse. This is called monotony
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St. Paul cavorted to Christianity, he preached holy acrimony which is another name for marriage
 A little boy was waiting for his mother to come out of the grocery Store.
As he waited, he was approached by a man who asked,
"Son, can You tell me where the Post Office is?"
The little boy replied, "Sure! Just go straight down this street a couple of blocks and turn to your right."
The man thanked the boy kindly and said,
"I'm the new vicar in town.
I'd like for you to come to church on Sunday.
I'll show you how to get to Heaven."
The little boy replied with a chuckle.
"Awww, come on... You don't even know the way to the Post Office."
Sent in by David Nicholls
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