Church Chuckles...
One of the young choristers missed the Palm Sunday service as she had a sore throat. When her big sister arrived home with some Palm Crosses and explained they were waved to welcome Jesus, the younger sister said, “Aw, that’s not fair, the one day I miss and Jesus shows up!”
The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending; and to have the two as close together as possible. -- George Burns
With all the sadness and trauma going on in the world at the moment, it is worth reflecting on the death of a very important person, which almost went unnoticed last week.
Larry La Prise, the man who wrote "The Hokey Pokey" died peacefully at age 93. The most traumatic part for the family was getting him into the coffin. They put his left leg in..... and then the trouble started.
The Vicar called in to see the Sunday School children who were busy drawing pictures. One child caught the Vicar's eye.
'Who are you drawing', he asked.
'It's my drawing of God's face', replied the busy child.
'But nobody knows what God looks like', said the Vicar.
'Well they will now!' was the reply.
Who was the greatest female financier in the Bible?
Pharoah's daughter.
She went down to The Bank of the Nile, and drew out a Prophet.
What kind of man was Boaz before he married Ruth ?
Ruthless!
Do you know why they could not play cards in the ark ? Because Noah was standing on the deck.
What make of car did the Apostles travel in ?
A Honda. The Bible says that they travelled in one Accord !
With thanks to 'Anon' for the above chuckles
EXAM ANSWERS
With thanks to Gerry Lindenburn who sent in these statements about the Bible from school exams - spellings have not been corrected!
- In the first book of the bible, Guinessis, God got tired of
 creating the world so he took the Sabbath off
- The egyptians were drowned in the dessert. Afterwards Moses went up to mount cyanide to get the Ten Commandments
- The seventh commandment is thou shalt not admit adultery
- Solomon, one of Davids sons, had 300 wives and 700 porcupines
- When Mary heard she was the mother of Jesus she sang the Magna Carta
- The people who followed the Lord were called the 12 decibles
- One of the oppossums was St Matthew who was a taximan
- Christians have only one spouse. This is called monotony
- St. Paul cavorted to Christianity, he preached holy acrimony which is another name for marriage
 A little boy was waiting for his mother to come out of the grocery Store.
As he waited, he was approached by a man who asked,
"Son, can You tell me where the Post Office is?"
The little boy replied, "Sure! Just go straight down this street a couple of blocks and turn to your right."
The man thanked the boy kindly and said,
"I'm the new vicar in town.
I'd like for you to come to church on Sunday.
I'll show you how to get to Heaven."
The little boy replied with a chuckle.
"Awww, come on... You don't even know the way to the Post Office."
Sent in by David Nicholls
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